Pass the Puns, Please

Happy Sunday, dear internet. It has been a long week, so a groaner is much needed and well deserved. Like a fine wine, this one may need to breathe a bit, to be fully appreciated! Enjoy!


These two blokes are lost in the Sahara desert. They're desperate for water, but just as they think they're about to die, they chance upon a village where market day is in full swing.

They go to the first stall they see and ask if they can buy some water. "No," replies the Bedouin stall owner, "I only sell fruit. Try the next stall."

So off they go to the next stall and again they ask for water. "Sorry," says the merchant, "But I only sell custard." Custard? one of the blokes says to the other, "What kind of place is this?"

By now desperate, they go to the next stall, only to be told, "Sorry, but I only sell jelly." Hearing this, one of the blokes turns to the other and says, "This is a trifle bazaar."

Pass the Puns, Please

Good morning blogosphere. After my hair-raising week, (sorry Lance, I couldn't resist) I believe a real groaner is needed. With out any further ado, enjoy!

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible!!!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replied, "You just happened to catch my eye."

Pass the Puns, Please

Easter morning has arrived. For my family this means putting your shoes on and squishing the egg you forgot you shoved in there; turning on the dryer only to later discover melted chocolate all over everything along with bits of foil and of course, funky colored hands from dipping the egg into the dye, dropping it and having to fish it out with your fingers. And let's not forget for the next few weeks, finding and picking up that damned Easter grass from the baskets. Ahh, Easter, how I love it!

As it is a holiday, consider this your easter treat from your friendly, neighborhood Redneck mommy. A groaner for you, with a side of cheese...

The family of tomatoes
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"

Happy Easter everyone!