Pass the Puns, Please

That whoosh you hear is my exhalation of relief. Relief that I don't have any more milestones to have to overcome for the next few months. I would like to thank each of you for your well wishes, kind words and prayers that you sent to me, my Bug and my family. It really helps to know that I'm am not alone in this; somewhere out in the great blogosphere are actual people who took the time to remember my angel. Thank you. Words seem inadequate.

But I feel as though I have to give you all something. A thank you token for your good deed. Which brings me to my cheese.

I looked hard for the right fromage but sadly, all I found were groaners.

But groaners are good. Especially since this is the only type of groaning I'm gonna be doing until the hubs gets home! Wink, wink!

So, grab your morning java, or your Captain Crunch and enjoy the cheese.

It's on me.



An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the Amazon, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock.

The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.

"What did you do that for?" asks the crocodile.

The elephant answers, "That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago."

The crocodile says, "And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory."

"Yep," says the elephant. "Turtle recall."

Pass the Puns, Please - New Years Style

Happy New Year to all my blogging buddies, the lurkers and the google perverts that mosey on over looking for something to make them go schwing. Sadly, this batch of cheese is not going to make anyone overly excited, but it will bring a reaction. More of the nose scrunching, groan inducing kind brought on by really bad cheese that has been sitting out in the sun for way too long.

I promise cheese afterall, and some of the best kinds are the those that are pungent.

Hee hee. Couldn't resist.

With that said, I'm off to look for the loudest, most irritating noise maker I can find. After all, the party tonight is not at my house, so I'm unleashing my inner beast. Sorry Martha-Freakin-Stewart and The-Great-White-Hunter, but I have got to be heard over the million or so children you two decided to produce. Children whom I will be encouraging to be VERY loud when the clock strikes 12. After all, the beast will be unleashed and inebriated. Should be fun!

So Happy New Year to all, and may this upcoming year bring stinky cheese for us all to enjoy!



The new year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia.

I always get lost driving on New Year's eve. I blame the Old Lane Signs.

Merry Christmas - Now Pass Me My Puns...

It's been a rough couple of days out in my neck of the woods. Boo has been facing a worrisome health scare (he is fine), my dad's new teeth make him puke and I fell on my ass in front of a bunch of handsome men, and not one of them volunteered to pick my sorry ass up off the ground. Not only did I bruise my pride, but my ego took a beating too.

Then there was the Christmas concert from hell for Fric. An hour and a half of listening to grades six, seven and eight students butcher various Christmas melodies. It was like listening to a cat screech - in stereo, for a really long time. And the school didn't provide liquor to dull the pain.

The next day was the concert for my son Frac. His class had a lovely performance and the only butchered melody at this school was when the grade three's whipped out their recorders. I, however, wept like a grieving war bride when they trotted out the kindergarteners for their class production. Most people chuckled and laughed at the requisite fidgeting, butt scratching and nose picking, but I couldn't stem the flow of tears when they started singing "Away in A Manger."

Bug was supposed to be in that Kindergarten class this year.

Sigh.

But the shopping is done, the gifts are wrapped and the only Christmas task I have left to perform is to supervise the assembly of the gingerbread house tonight. While not getting frustrated because I can't get the walls to stand up and stick together. Of course, it will probably help if I didn't supervise while slightly tipsy, but where's the fun in that?

I'm signing off on a holiday break now. I plan on spending the next few days alternating between various stages of drunken debauchery, and full on crying. Perhaps both at the same time. I have already stocked up on the red wine and the kleenex.

I will be back sometime after boxing day. Hung over, I'm sure, and loaded with embarrassing tales of Christmas woes.

Until then, have a Merry Christmas everyone!

Unlike my children, I believe in quality over quantity (with the exception of alcoholic beverages) so as my Christmas gift to you, I dug up a fabulously stinky pun for my friends.

Enjoy the cheese!



And like a little gift found in the toe of your stocking, I give you this:

Who hides in the pantry at Christmas time?

A mince spy.

HO!HO!HO!