Pass the Puns, Please

I started posting puns on Sunday as a lazy way of blogging. It didn't take any real effort and let's face it, that appealed to me. Much the same way I appreciate the Swiffer Wet Jet, the remote control and individually wrapped Rice Krispies squares. Anything to make my lazy-loving life a little easier is nothing to be shunned.

Why write when I can pun? So off I went, thinking up and searching for some real stinkers. Because anyone can pun cleverly, but it takes a real connoisseur to pull of a groaner. And so began my punny Sundays.

Of course, there are critics. Not everybody loves a stinker. Not everybody has acquired a taste for le fromage.

Too damn bad. It's my blog and I've got me a love of smelly cheese.

But for those of you who desire a sophisticated pun, I found one. No, I can't take credit for it, but I can whole heartedly appreciate it.

So without any further ado, enjoy!


In a recent news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.

She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with ......


A Misdewiener!



Alright, perhaps sophisticated isn't the most accurate word, but it was a real stinker, right?

Pass the Puns, Please

Today is the day my extended family gathers to celebrate all the January birthdays. Which will include my Bug's. Last year, so fresh from shock and riddled with pain, I hid in the bedroom and tried to shut out the world and the hurt by squishing my eyes closed and holding my breath until the world spun.

I saw my two year old nephew do the same when he was in trouble and it seemed to work for him. Apparently, I must have done it wrong, because I didn't have the same results.

This year, this day, the wound has been scabbed over and (so far) I have managed not to pick at the scab. So I plan on partaking in the festivities, drinking some happy juice and making a pig of myself when it comes to eating the cake. The way I figure it, I'm eating for two.

NO, I'm not preggers. Although, technically I am expecting. As soon as the government plays nice and hands me over a baby that some one else didn't want.

No, I was referring to the fact I must eat enough cake and icecream for the Bug and for me. Eating for two. At least that's what I'm gonna say when I hip check the kiddies out of the way to get the last piece of cake. All's fair when it comes to cake.

Now I'm off to prepare for the big afternoon. But before I leave, I present to you, my interweb friends, some cheese.

It has a slight odour and an after taste resembling a groan.

Just the type of cheese I like. Enjoy!



There was once this second-rate orchestra led by a second-rate director.

In the orchestra was this guy on the cymbals who never banged them at the right time. So the conductor said, "If you don't get it right this time I'll kill you."

When the time came for the percussionist to get it right, he didn't. And so the director pulled out a gun and shot him dead.

Of course, the police came and arrested him and eventually the conductor ended up on death row.

The day came when he was sent to the electric chair. As the crowd watched, the executioner flipped the switch ... but nothing happened. Everyone wondered what when wrong.

But the director knew. Saddened by all that had taken place, he said, "I never was a very good ... conductor!"

Pass the Puns, Please

Good morning to all my cheery internet friends!

As a current single parent, (thanks to my husband trading me in for his band of merry men in his attempt to chase the almighty dollar) I have had many a sleepless night. Let me tell you, when you are accustomed to crawling into bed to snuggle and molest a large, beautiful, blonde man and all you find is a short, hairy, flatulent dog (and my apologies to the many of you out there who think I am either describing their husbands or themselves...) the night can be rather long.

It could be worse, I suppose. Nixon, the World's Greatest Dog. Ever, has been my knight in shining armour. Without his annoying snuffles and soft snoring, I might go mad at the thought of climbing into that vast, lonely bed for yet another eight hour reminder of who (and what) is missing.

However, a gassy dog is a stinky dog, and my nose has been assaulted regularly since the absence of my man. Which has meant a lot of time staring at the computer screen while I should have been catching my beauty sleep.

The upside is, I have found some remarkably stinky fromage to pass along.

So while I am off to yawn, stretch and drink copious amounts of caffeinated beverages to stay functional for a long day of being trapped inside with my sweet, frenetic children, please enjoy le fromage. Served from me to you with a yawn and a groan...


While shopping at a local toy store, John came across a long line of people waiting for a promised shipment of dolls from Mattel. As he scanned the line, he noticed his friend, Wally, waiting with all the others.

Knowing that Wally had no daughters or young relatives, John figured that Wally must like the dolls himself.

"Wally, I didn't know you were a collector!"

"I'm not," Wally replied
.
"Then why are you standing in this long line?"

"Well, I've never been able to resist a barbie queue!"