Wife's Night Off
/Boo, wandering in after spending the last few hours building us a pool deck, "What's for supper, woman. I'm starving."
Me, after spending the last few hours surfing the net and watching my husband break his back for a deck I wanted, "Nothing."
"What do you mean nothing? I'm hot, hungry and dammit woman, it's your job to feed me. Not to mention, our kids might need to eat."
"I'm taking the night off. I'm tired of cooking. Order a pizza and drive to town to get it. That's as good as I can give you."
"Well you go pick it up at least, since you aren't cooking."
"Nah. I've already been to town twice today because of swim camp and the kids. You want to eat, you pick it up."
"Aren't you a peach."
"Why thank you. You're more of a pear...Kinda woody."
"Cute. I'm leaving. Order the pizza now so it will be ready by the time I get there."
"Nah. I ordered last time. It's your turn to order."
He's getting a little pissed with me by now. And I can't seem to stop myself. He he.
Aggravated he responds, "FINE! I'm sorry I didn't notice that piano tied to your ass. My mistake. What kind of pizza do you want me to order, drive in, pick up, pay for, slice and hand feed you?"
"Hmmm, vegetarian."
"What? No salami?"
"Nah, I've had salami every night this week and I'm getting tired of tubed meat. At this rate I may get scurvy.
"You know, I hear a little salami goes a long way. And it'll cure what ever ails you."
"No thanks. Just good ole fashioned veggies. Oh, and can you buy some Coke too?"
"Cock? Sure, I've got some."
"No. COKE. I want it fizzy not fuzzy."
"I'll make it any way you want it baby," as he wiggles his eyebrows.
"If you can make it brown, syrupy and fizzy, I'll be your soda jerk and drink from your fountain of love, darling. Now go bring me some pizza. I'm hungry."
"Remind me again why I married you?" He murmurs as he walks out the door.
"Because you knocked me up!! Don't forget the napkins." I yell out after him.
It doesn't get any sweeter than this, does it?
Me, after spending the last few hours surfing the net and watching my husband break his back for a deck I wanted, "Nothing."
"What do you mean nothing? I'm hot, hungry and dammit woman, it's your job to feed me. Not to mention, our kids might need to eat."
"I'm taking the night off. I'm tired of cooking. Order a pizza and drive to town to get it. That's as good as I can give you."
"Well you go pick it up at least, since you aren't cooking."
"Nah. I've already been to town twice today because of swim camp and the kids. You want to eat, you pick it up."
"Aren't you a peach."
"Why thank you. You're more of a pear...Kinda woody."
"Cute. I'm leaving. Order the pizza now so it will be ready by the time I get there."
"Nah. I ordered last time. It's your turn to order."
He's getting a little pissed with me by now. And I can't seem to stop myself. He he.
Aggravated he responds, "FINE! I'm sorry I didn't notice that piano tied to your ass. My mistake. What kind of pizza do you want me to order, drive in, pick up, pay for, slice and hand feed you?"
"Hmmm, vegetarian."
"What? No salami?"
"Nah, I've had salami every night this week and I'm getting tired of tubed meat. At this rate I may get scurvy.
"You know, I hear a little salami goes a long way. And it'll cure what ever ails you."
"No thanks. Just good ole fashioned veggies. Oh, and can you buy some Coke too?"
"Cock? Sure, I've got some."
"No. COKE. I want it fizzy not fuzzy."
"I'll make it any way you want it baby," as he wiggles his eyebrows.
"If you can make it brown, syrupy and fizzy, I'll be your soda jerk and drink from your fountain of love, darling. Now go bring me some pizza. I'm hungry."
"Remind me again why I married you?" He murmurs as he walks out the door.
"Because you knocked me up!! Don't forget the napkins." I yell out after him.
It doesn't get any sweeter than this, does it?