I Have Way Too Much Time On My Hands

I wasn't going to say anything. I was going to happily ignore the fact that I was nominated for Best Canadian Blog in the 2009 Bloggies.

It was enough just to be nominated. I'd take that honour and hold it near and dear to my heart and let the votes fall as they may. I would just celebrate my nomination and rejoice alongside all the other candidates. I would set the example for maturity and class while being up for a blog award.

I, for once, would not make my husband cringe with embarrassment when he opened his laptop at night and read my blog. I would make him proud.

Then I saw this:

You mess with the bull, Mr. Lady, you will get the horn.

I know, I know. A mature, responsible, classy lady would read the blog post, possibly sigh at the obvious lack of maturity being exemplified by another blogger and then move on with her head held high.

But have you met me? Class isn't exactly my strong suit. And let's not even examine how mature and responsible I am. The government tried that once and the therapist is still in shock.  I am the Redneck Mommy for a reason yo. Reasons that exclude all things classy and may include being known for shoving twizzlers up her nose to make her children laugh.

I could take the high road and let Shannon wallow in the mud all by herself. That would be the right thing to do, the angelic voice of reason whispers in my ear.

I could simply laugh and let her pander for votes and try and steal my title as the reigning queen of Canadian Bloggers away from me.

I could.

But I won't.

Because that annoying little angelic voice of reason is currently being smacked down by the much more powerful little demonic voice that likes to jump on my shoulder and prod me with her devil horns.

If Mr. Lady wants a blog smack down, who am I to ignore that? 

Let the jello wrestling commence.

In the eye of the tiger...

Who doesn't enjoy a little female boxing match every now and then? Especially while wearing bikinis. Sure Mr. Lady may have to pad her bikini top and wax that upper moustache thing she has got going on, but it'll still be hot. I promise.

While I've got her in a headlock, let me point out to you that she is a fraud. She is no lady Canadian. She is an American. Sure she may reside in our beautiful country. But she is from the STATES. She is an American posing as a Canadian while the Canadian government keeps a watchful eye on her because of her tendency to traffic Mexican dildos into our country.

Trust a Yank to try and wrest away the title for Best Canadian Blog from rightful CANADIANS.

So peoples, be warned of this fraudulent activity. Sure she's cute (after all, she is my doppleganger) and she may have a clever little blog that will have you howling in laughter and possibly peeing in your pants a little (you try squeezing out three ten pound watermelon sized babies and see how intact your bladder is,) but ask yourself, is that really reason enough to vote for such a poseur?

All right, it is. Mr. Lady's blog rocks.

But I have one two things that our American friend in sheep's clothing does not.

Canadian citizenship and nipple rings.

Consider that as you cast your vote in the 2009 Bloggies, dear Internets.

This message brought to you by the winner of the 2008 Bloggies Best Canadian Blog. 

My husband will be so proud.

So wander over to the website and go check out all the candidates. There are some fantastic blogs up for awards and I'm proud to be included amongst them. Vote, or don't (I mean, this is just a blog award, not the freaking Nobel Peace Prize or anything,) but watch out for a certain hairy little American living in Canada who keeps trying to sell you a purple passion penis.

She's trouble. Especially when she's drunk and trying to stick her tongue down your throat.

This concludes today's public service announcement.

You are welcome.

***A big round of applause for my evil accomplice, my Manatee, for without him, I'd be stuck trying to actually trying to write a post instead of distracting y'all with pretty pictures.***